Quarter after 1

Been a while since I updated. So what's been happening...?

UBCon was fantastic. As always, my friends and I enjoy ourselves up there. And hey: if you bought an AMPUTHEATRE figure from me at the show, you have a free Slasher sheet coming. So email me and get your free PDF!

On the recreational front, my friends and I finished the Endless Setlist 2 on Rock Band 2. On Medium. Harmonix can get bent for putting "Visions" on the disc, and I am far too busy to learn how to play that incomprehensible death metal garbage (written by the boss's daughter) on Hard or higher. Feel free to respond with how you personally beat the song on Expert- it will be met with steel-tipped apathy. 84 songs in a row makes one abhorrent to play Rock Band ever again.

Still building monsters and stuff. I should have a few more AMPUTHEATRE guys up for sale on Etsy in a few days. I've also been updating a lot of Slashers towards the new rules. My website also needs a few changes, so I'll be updating that as well.

Oh, BTW- I'm contributing my claws, my lungs, and my sardonicness to the Roc City Roller Derby as their announcer. My official kitschy derby name is, um... well, The Gil-Monster because everyone kind of knows me around here. I could come up with a name- Creep Throat and Dreadful Howard were in the running- but I'm betting that I'd hear a "Gil!!!!" in the audience and thus ruin my secret identity and invite all my super-powered arch-nemeses (the band Abnormality, for example) to go after my loved ones.

So in commentator practice, I'm watching some roller derby matches- as well as an old WWF Royal Rumble tape from 1992.

Because as a broadcast team, Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon were the motherlovin' shiznit.


...Oh, "Dreadful Howard" is a pun of The Dreadful Hours, an incredible album from My Dying Bride, who routinely make albums that are better than anything in your sad, SAD musical library. Haven't you bought For Lies I Sire yet? Are you stupid...?

AMPUTHEATRE gamyness

AMPUTHEATRE was a lot of fun last night. I want to thank Eugene for informing the folks at URSGA about the game; it went well. The game runs smoother than it ever did in the past, and I'm excited to play again.

I'm thinking of adding a new playing date to the week. I haven't been at Millennium in a long time, and that's only because I live in the city and driving back out to Henrietta for games on Fridays (my wife and I share the car) left a burning and itchy sensation.

So I might do Saturday afternoons at Millennium; like maybe 1-5 or so. Not every Saturday; my idea is to swap out between Millennium and Comics Etc. If I do Millennium on a Saturday, then I'll be at Comics Etc. on the following Friday. How does this work for folks...?

I know that there are Warhammer tourneys going on then, but that's just more yummy publicity. Thoughts...?

(....)

A new Slasher is now in the game; her debut stuttered a little bit at SIMCON, so here she is again. Meet Locusta:



...I said, meet Locusta:





...um...


...okay, Blogger is being four-alarm retarded and not letting me upload her photo. More delays!

I guess you'll have to go here for now and click on the giant man-eating plant. She should be a Trap, but Locusta is a playable Slasher. She throws those burrs at her opponents. You simply put them on the board where you want them and they asplode into area-of-effect poisonous clouds. She also gains a Sunder when she drops into yellow health. Last night she made short work of Ashezz... that's right, the pyromaniac. Ironic, no...?

...Next weekend is UBCon, so I'll be there Saturday and Sunday. Come on down and show me the love, whether you play AMPUTHEATRE or walk home with your own Chenille Macabre horror.


Finally, because I'm in my LATE THIRTIES O NOES I'm trying to... well, learn to eat yogurt. It's not going well. Plastic little cups roll about the floor and cultured glop drips down from the eaves like Wacky Wallwalkers on amphetamines. Yogurt is just too sour for my tastes. Experiments have shown that only by drowning the goop in crushed Butterfingers or Oreos or other trans-fatular goodness can it become palatable to Gil-Monster's like myself...

The spiders are dead; long live the lobsters!

...I seem to be on a nipple-piercing kick this week at Chenille Macabre; as our new Gangbanger Mini with Machete and Pit Fiend Mini with Chain Whip both dangle gold rings from their chest anomalies.

Meanwhile in the AMPUTHEATRE, a new figure of the sinister nightmare stalker Mr. Eyeball Plucker graces the store, and he is accompanied by the psychotic Trigger Treat- a murderous, pumpkin-headed redneck with a makeshift pistol.

All handmade, all unique, all poseable! Buy yours today!

Also, we will have a game of AMPUTHEATRE at the Village Gate in Rochester NY, this Friday (April 10) at around 7 pm. Come play the evil game and see what the fuss is about.

(....)

I went to our local Christmas Tree Store this morning because my Glue Gun Security Spiders died. But what really annoyed me about the Christmas Tree Store is that-

...Oh, my Glue Gun Security Spiders? When I plug my glue gun into the wall, it's connected to string lights so I know it's on. If I see glowing spider lights, then I know not to leave the house until I yank the lights from the wall. And these lights have casings over them that resemble spiders on them. Halloween lights. Simple.

So I need new string lights, but the Christmas Tree Store isn't a holiday store at all: it's a bargain closeout place. Maybe this is old news to everyone else, but can you blame me for being confused? The facade of the building looks like a holiday store, and a sorry glut of us have spent the last eight years arguing, spitting, and swearing up and down that Christmas was "under attack", or some such idiocy.

But I did get a new set of string lights there. They're lobsters. The Glue Gun Security Team is now a fully crustacean operation.

This is acceptable; my wife is from Maine, after all.

New Slasher: Kaiaphas

Oh yes. I forgot to mention that at SIMCON, a new Slasher joined the AMPUTHEATRE Rogues' Gallery: Kaiaphas:

Formerly an enforcer of the brutal Third Eye gang operating out of Los Diablos, California, Diego DeJesus gave no quarter and asked for none- that is, until his AMPUTHEATRE competition. Convicted for murdering four families in a turf dispute, DeJesus was sentenced to battle Lycosus and several other convicts to the death. As the battle raged, DeJesus lost both of his arms to an opponent who happened to procure a chainsaw in the arena. In this moment, DeJesus was terrified by the realization of his own mortality, and sobbed uncontrollably. Out of panic, he turned to Lycosus- the only Slasher he witnessed using magic in the conflict- and promised unwavering loyalty to the Spider Priest if he could be saved from death. The flattered Lycosus agreed, and conjured four arachnid-like limbs in DeJesus’ arm stumps to replace his lost limbs. Now the loyal bodyguard of Lycosus, DeJesus has taken the name of Kaiaphas at the Spider Priest’s behest. In an act of disrespect common amongst initiates to the Spider Cult, Kaiaphas wears a crucifix covered in cobwebs.

Kaiaphas is a Slasher serving as a replacement for Kali, whom I decided to remove from AMPUTHEATRE (aside from the theological reasons, I thought she looked a little too much like Goro and Sheeva from Mortal Kombat, honestly). So with the market opened for a four-armed Slasher, I whipped up a henchman for Lycosus.

Kaiaphas has many Hold attacks, a Charge he can use from the Rising position (which I never got to use because it requires all four arms, and that meant dropping the Outboard Motor he picked up) and his Hourglass Smash- an attract move that pulls an opponent into a Stunning headbutt. It's a sick attack that gets sicker the more arms he has free.

...I might make more henchmen for Lycosus- but sparingly. I've tried in the past, and Kaiaphas is the first one who has stuck with me.

He won the first AMPUTHEATRE game on Sunday; killing four Slashers with the Outboard Motor. BWA HA HA HA HA HA...

Roller Derby Fever at Chenille Macabre!

Well, this weekend was busy. I'm back from a big ol' AMPUTHEATRE game at SIMCON, and I had a great time. Thanks to all who came out and played The World's Goriest Board Game. It sounds like many of you have been eager to play, and I'm delighted that you finally received your opportunity. As always, figures are available in the store, and I'll be adding new ones over the days to come.

But not this week. I wanted to take a quick reprieve from AMPUTHEATRE to put up something new...

With my wife joining the Roc City Roller Derby, I was inspired to make fantasy roller derby miniatures! Groove to these deluxe miniatures all cruising for brusings on the bank track! The undying vengeance of the Onryou! The dirty tricks of the She-Devil! The petrifying gaze of the Medusa! And last but never least, the no-nonsense grit and determination of the Derby Girl! All handmade, all unique, all signed! Buy yours today! (Miniatures sold separately.)

...I so badly want to make a board game with these girls. Oh yes.

Any offers...?

Behold: Crossface!

I noticed that the Psychopath Miniatures section of the store was running a little empty, so I threw some new miscreants in there. Go check them out.

I've also (finally) uploaded new photos to the Chenille Macabre Gallery. With my favorite sold pieces, it's over twice as big as before. I'll be changing a lot of my links to here; relying on deviantART is a little tacky. (Forgive me if comments like "Boy, I'd sure like to have that" wear on a soul such as myself who 1) dwells in a world built upon trade and transactions and 2) wonders what part of the "Buy me!" link seems to confuse people...)

On the AMPUTHEATRE front, I'll be at SIMCON at the University of Rochester this Saturday (12-4 pm) and Sunday (9:30- 2pm) to run a demo of its horrific gameplay. Come see me!

...I'm still waiting on the rulebook, nonetheless I'm going to keep making AMPUTHEATRE figures to stock the store...


...such as the evil reverend Crossface! On sale now!

...I know, I know- not quite as good as the one I made for my sister:


...but not only is he just a tad out of scale for tournament play, but I got the vibe that the Build-A-Bear Workshop didn't seem like they ever wanted to see me again. They don't offer little black hearts to sew into your bears, sadly. Besides, using real Bibles for the skirt gets expensive.

See you at the Con!

Chenille Macabre on Toy Break!

I woul 've poste this sooner, but we've ha no hot water for a few ays, which has ma e me hate everything that oesn't offer me anything but cleanliness. Including the "D" key on my keyboard. Little fucker. Staring at me weird... you saw it; he wanted to start up some shit...

But now we're back.

If you check out the Chenille Macabre Home Page, you'll see my work featured on the March 16th episode of Toy Break! It's an excitedly positive review around the 19:15 mark. Thanks go out to Colby for sending the monsters he bought at ZombieFest 2008 off to the show, and to Spencer in Lawrenceville, GA for alerting me to the show (and for buying the adorably repugnant Rot Demon)!

On the AMPUTHEATRE Home Page is now a "Store" link that directly takes you to the AMPUTHEATRE section of the Etsy store, to make the purchase of figures easier.

And while we're on the subject of AMPUTHEATRE, two more things...

1. I'll be at SIMCON 2009 in my hometown of Rochester, NY this coming weekend of March 28-29, hosting an AMPUTHEATRE Splatter Royal, which is just basically people rotating in and out as they slice each other to ribbons. As always, there's no pre-registration; all you need is your con badge and you can play.
2. Evil Warden Jeff Thelen has started up an AMPUTHEATRE FaceBook group. Of course, anytime I link to something in FaceBook, it never works- so if you're on FaceBook, and you want to be a part of the group, you know what to do.

...By the way, a few of you have alerted me to the new game for the Nintendo Wii- MadWorld- an outrageously violent game which possesses the same spirit of AMPUTHEATRE, with my favorite style of artwork (black, white and red all over). It looks absolutely gorgeous.

Sadly, I don't have a Wii (I've never been a big fan of Nintendo) so I'll either have to wait for SEGA to make it for my XBOX360, or swap consoles for a week with my Wii-owning friends Chris and Justine Pallace, who I know want a week alone with Left 4 Dead, Dead Rising, and Condemned: Criminal Origins...

...but you wouldn't know it

...C'mon, Gil. How hard can this thing be to update? Oy.

It stems from building monsters every day- which is near to what I do nowadays- leaving me little time to wax poetic on teh intrawebs. And when I do get some time, I don't feel exorbitantly witty or anything... so my blog just rots... unloved... blah... tell Laura it loves her...

Business.



Well, I will be at Horror Realm 2009 (formerly the ZombieFest) in Pittsburgh, PA this fall. Which means there will be Chenille Macabre, there will be AMPUTHEATRE, and there will be me spending my hard-earned pipe cleaner money on more hard-to-find horror memorabilia. Last year's swag included a Dawn Of The Dead T-shirt autographed by Ken Foree and this striking image from a crazy-pantspants-carzy named Joshua Hoffine- which I also had autographed, and framed for my wife for Xmas.

The rulebook for AMPUTHEATRE is coming soon. The website is also being updated, a piece at a time. The figures are out now, and you can buy them here.


Our newest Slasher, the sinister Bagman, is both for sale and part of the Etsy Dark Team's Monthly Exhibition for March, as well as two packs of my Zombie Minis! Go check those out.

And gosh; is it me, or do Gnash and Jinglebunny look just a little different than last we saw them...? That's because they, along with a certain eyeball-yanking phantom, have been bought; boo yah!

So I put new figures of them up as soon as I could. Which brings me to a certain point I need to make: when I remake figures, I'll be making them a touch different every time. This is my creative license.

But under no circumstances will they play any different. A Jinglebunny with googly eyes has the exact same Slasher sheet as one with felt eyes. Yes- I understand the prospect of lots more money trickling out of my hands, whizzing down my leg, and into the sewer, but in my opinion, getting two different characters out of either a different pair of pants or- worse- a more dramatic pose is... what are the words? Right. Really, really ashamedly LAME.

I told myself I'd build at least one more psychopath mini tonight. Don't forget: Horror Realm 2009!

Like Jason and Michael, we have risen once more

We were down, but we're back. The AMPUTHEATRE site is now back up- under the website that is currently making the game: Chenille Macabre.

And if you haven't seen the figures I'm currently selling... well, what are you waiting for?

My site went down at the worst possible time- right after one of the most lucrative horror shows I've ever done. But now that it's BACK, I can announce games of AMPUTHEATRE at the following shows:

SIMCON 2009 at the University of Rochester
March 28th, from 12pm - 4pm
March 29th, from 9:30am - 2pm

UBCon 2009 at the University of Buffalo
April 18th, from 9am-6pm
April 19th, from 9am-5pm

At the UBCon I'll also be selling some Chenille Macabre work over at the table, with my good pals Bags That Bite and Bent Castle Workshops.


...It is SO GOOD to be back online. That's one less albatross around my neck...

So yes, there are figures for sale. The rulebook is coming soon. I just wanted the figures up on Friday the 13th, so that could be a neat point of trivia for the eventual Wikipedia entry. :P Of course, what with there being a second Friday the 13th in March... duh...

I'm putting the last few touches on the book as we speak. It's looking to be a 36-page rulebook. I've adding the new rules that I've posted about. I tweaked two things:

• I've removed the Guard Breaks and Parries. I just never remembered we had them.
• Reversing a Resist (Arcana-based) Attack lets you perform an Onslaught against your Attacker. It just makes a lot more sense than them falling down as in the past. I love the idea of whipping around and slicing open Crossface's throat when he's trying to convince you to go beat up perceived agents of Satan. "Fuck THAT noise!"

So don't worry, the game will still run smoothly.

Off now to go update all of my links. I owe Jen Beaven a huge round of thanks. I'll start with a link to her Pencognito strip, and work my way up from there.

AMPUTHEATRE Figures for sale!

Okay, this is that big crazy thing I was warning everyone about, and here it is: Eight figures- Malice, Gnash, Jinglebunny, the Jack of Clubs, Ashezz, Nine Lives, Mr. Eyeball Plucker, and Mandibula- are the first wave of AMPUTHEATRE figures currently for sale at the Chenille Macabre Etsy store.

Each one is custom-made by me, has removable limbs and a head, and will come with their Slasher Sheets, Bloodcounts, and game markers. I am asking between $25-40 for the figures, inherent upon the effort required to make them. To make them affordable, the figures have been scaled down to 3" in height, and they play on a 6 x 8 square grid, with spaces measuring 2.25" square (in case you wanted to get started on making a board...)

I always said I'd never do this, because it would be nothing sort of in-motherfucking-sane and I'd never meet demand. And yet, there's something liberating about doing these all by myself... no compromises on their appearances, no ungodly costs towards plastic production, able to change their costumes if I like... yeah. This should be fun.

The rulebook is coming soon. Honest. I want it as bad as you do. But I wanted to get the figures up today- Friday the 13th- in preparation for the possible Wikipedia article about this game.

This is the first wave. Next up are Lycosus, Crucifiend, Trigger Treat and the Thicket. I'll have them up soon. I want to see how well these guys do.

...And for the record, game testing will continue. Send me some evenings that you would be up for it.

Wish me luck, okay...?