Monday, June 23, 2008

New at the store: Minotaur Figure

Check out this bad boy. 6" high, with a massive crowbill for a weapon. Hammer the rider off his horse, then stick him when he's on the ground.

You SoulCalibur players who favor Astaroth (I'm one of you) should know I was repeating to myself over and over "Pretentious little bug!" during the construction.


...And now an important message from the George Carlin Institute: "FUCK DEATH."

Carlin was one of my biggest comedic influences. He was to be my write-in candidate for this year's election.

I'm going to miss him.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Just call it "Car Wars: The Movie"

My friend Tom Gleason of Spinning Grave Productions and Dark Destinations sent me the trailer to a remake that I was imagining myself remaking, specifically the awesome Death Race 2000.

So anyway: First gear. Where the hell is Frankenstein? Or "Machine Gun" Joe Viterbo, or Calamity Jane, or any of the other crazy-ass drivers from the original movie...? Who are these grizzled, whining losers? Prison, shmison: did any of them need to be repeatedly reconstructed like David Carradine's awesome character? Let me answer that like Frankenstein would: with a blunt, short "NO."

Second gear. Where the hell is the nudity? These fly girls can walk in all the slow-motion they wish- are they gonna take their clothes off...? I only say this because I'm a randy pervy goat boy- and that there was flesh aplenty in the original film!

Third gear. Where the hell is the satire? That ripping off of The Running Man means nothing: where're the nods to Mr. President? To the resistance? Where're the score values for running over pedestrians...?

Third gear into fifth. WHERE ARE THE PEDESTRIANS!?!?

WHERE'S THE INNOCENT PEOPLE all over the streets, staining the grills of the cars with their copious blood...? The Death Race is about thinning the population through vehicular manslaughter- or at least it was!! C'MON!!! Jigsaw and the Elite Hunting brigade are currently running around snipping Achilles' tendons left and right- wouldn't now be an ideal cinematic climate to release something as violent and edgy as a real Death Race 200o remake, instead of this...?

I might be proven wrong, but guns on the cars don't fill me with hope...

Monday, June 16, 2008

New: Vampire Lord Figure

Okay, now he was fun to make. Complicated yes, but fun.

I originally bought these light blue chenille stems to make some kind of Cenobite, or even one of the Oro from the Condemned games (play those if you haven't. They're scary as hucking fell). I was on a fetish armor kick but then I thought those type of creatures might be a little too out there for the marketplace. Then I decided light blue was a perfectly acceptable vampire flesh tone.

Felt and windowscreen make up this bad boy's armor, with a red bloodstone in the center. Check out more photos here.

The knife was stolen from a generic 12" military figure. Has anyone else noticed this? How there's a gentle song of "Thaaaank yooooou..." on the breeze whenever a 1/12 scale horror figure gets a 1/6 scale knife painted bloody...? No...?

I've got a surplus of monsters in the shop, so I'm uploading two beasties a week instead of three for a while.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

New: Tengu Mini with Tanto

...Cute little guy. He was a bit of a relief to make; sometimes one needs a change from the same old goblins and gnolls and maniacs.

I realize that tengu aren't always malevolent spirits, but then again... this is Chenille Macabre...

More photos here.

By the way, check this out. It's exciting to find others who do what I do.

Monday, June 9, 2008

New: Chimaera Figure

As you might imagine, this guy took some time to do. He's enormous- 15" to 17" long, depending on which head you measure from- with a wingspan over a foot in length. The price is fair; building polycephalic monsters (that's the right term, right?) is always a crazefest- especially polycephalic (maybe it is the wrong term, but I'm on a roll) monsters with wings- which have to be built before the body is finished. And because I'm sort of a stickler for biology, I like to make sure the transition from lion chest to goat butt is pretty seamless.

And yet, after all of that, this might be like the tenth Chimaera I've built (not all of them this big), just because they're such fun to do. Sell, my pet. Sell.

It was something we had been promising to do for the longest time, and my wife and I finally fulfilled it: we went to the opera together- La Boheme, specifically. I think this was my first time; maybe I fell asleep during one at grade school- no recollection. Mrs. Gil-Monster stated that La Boheme was one of the main influences for the film Moulin Rouge, which didn't serve to alleviate my apprehensions as much as it did remind me that preceding "Watch Moulin Rouge again" on the list is "Pour scorpions down the front of my jeans" as well as "Tattoo the Periodic Table of the Elements on my gums with a soldering iron".

You know La Boheme's damage. Starving Bohemian artists try to stay warm on Christmas Eve. One of them convinces a neighboring waif to fall in love with him, and everybody everywhere is blissful until it's dropped that Mimi the waif is fatally afflicted with deus ex machinitis. Yes. La Boheme is aggressively and unapologetically plotless. (Why ...yes. The toy vendor was integral. Sure.) But still- it was still a beautiful and rich performance. The actors were all quite physical in their singing- apart from Mimi (yes I know she's supposed to be sick but sick people shouldn't be belting their lungs out anyway; gesture, woman!)

"I hate Bohemians", I thought in the final act as the four artists pranced about their flat, mimicking tittering women and fencing with paintbrushes. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't moved as the curtains fell for the final time.

So is my wife, by the way. "Feh! I do not 'cry' at the OPERA!" she said before the lights dimmed.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

New: Deep One Mini

Eager for Great C'Thulhu to awake from his deathly slumber is this 2" high terror from the deep! Highly poseable, with an anglerfish lure to sniff out those pesky tourists to Innsmouth. Check out his Etsy page for more images.
-The Gil-Monster

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Kitsune Mini with Chicken Claw Sickle

...He's new in the store today. 2 inches high with a (non-removable) plastic chicken sickle to punish his enemies. Check out his Etsy page for more details.
-The Gil-Monster

Monday, June 2, 2008

Stabbity Ann

New in the Etsy store, it's Stabbity Ann! A red-headed librarian who for some unknown reason has taken to painting her face, punking herself out, and stalking the night to stab men to death. She wears barbed wire bracers and a windowscreen shirt. Her knives fit in both her hands and her calf sheaths. Take her home!

...In other news, I see that my deviantART page passed 2,000 views. Very cool indeed.