Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Quarter after 1

Been a while since I updated. So what's been happening...?

UBCon was fantastic. As always, my friends and I enjoy ourselves up there. And hey: if you bought an AMPUTHEATRE figure from me at the show, you have a free Slasher sheet coming. So email me and get your free PDF!

On the recreational front, my friends and I finished the Endless Setlist 2 on Rock Band 2. On Medium. Harmonix can get bent for putting "Visions" on the disc, and I am far too busy to learn how to play that incomprehensible death metal garbage (written by the boss's daughter) on Hard or higher. Feel free to respond with how you personally beat the song on Expert- it will be met with steel-tipped apathy. 84 songs in a row makes one abhorrent to play Rock Band ever again.

Still building monsters and stuff. I should have a few more AMPUTHEATRE guys up for sale on Etsy in a few days. I've also been updating a lot of Slashers towards the new rules. My website also needs a few changes, so I'll be updating that as well.

Oh, BTW- I'm contributing my claws, my lungs, and my sardonicness to the Roc City Roller Derby as their announcer. My official kitschy derby name is, um... well, The Gil-Monster because everyone kind of knows me around here. I could come up with a name- Creep Throat and Dreadful Howard were in the running- but I'm betting that I'd hear a "Gil!!!!" in the audience and thus ruin my secret identity and invite all my super-powered arch-nemeses (the band Abnormality, for example) to go after my loved ones.

So in commentator practice, I'm watching some roller derby matches- as well as an old WWF Royal Rumble tape from 1992.

Because as a broadcast team, Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon were the motherlovin' shiznit.

...Oh, "Dreadful Howard" is a pun of The Dreadful Hours, an incredible album from My Dying Bride, who routinely make albums that are better than anything in your sad, SAD musical library. Haven't you bought For Lies I Sire yet? Are you stupid...?

Saturday, April 11, 2009


AMPUTHEATRE was a lot of fun last night. I want to thank Eugene for informing the folks at URSGA about the game; it went well. The game runs smoother than it ever did in the past, and I'm excited to play again.

I'm thinking of adding a new playing date to the week. I haven't been at Millennium in a long time, and that's only because I live in the city and driving back out to Henrietta for games on Fridays (my wife and I share the car) left a burning and itchy sensation.

So I might do Saturday afternoons at Millennium; like maybe 1-5 or so. Not every Saturday; my idea is to swap out between Millennium and Comics Etc. If I do Millennium on a Saturday, then I'll be at Comics Etc. on the following Friday. How does this work for folks...?

I know that there are Warhammer tourneys going on then, but that's just more yummy publicity. Thoughts...?


A new Slasher is now in the game; her debut stuttered a little bit at SIMCON, so here she is again. Meet Locusta:

...I said, meet Locusta:


...okay, Blogger is being four-alarm retarded and not letting me upload her photo. More delays!

I guess you'll have to go here for now and click on the giant man-eating plant. She should be a Trap, but Locusta is a playable Slasher. She throws those burrs at her opponents. You simply put them on the board where you want them and they asplode into area-of-effect poisonous clouds. She also gains a Sunder when she drops into yellow health. Last night she made short work of Ashezz... that's right, the pyromaniac. Ironic, no...?

...Next weekend is UBCon, so I'll be there Saturday and Sunday. Come on down and show me the love, whether you play AMPUTHEATRE or walk home with your own Chenille Macabre horror.

Finally, because I'm in my LATE THIRTIES O NOES I'm trying to... well, learn to eat yogurt. It's not going well. Plastic little cups roll about the floor and cultured glop drips down from the eaves like Wacky Wallwalkers on amphetamines. Yogurt is just too sour for my tastes. Experiments have shown that only by drowning the goop in crushed Butterfingers or Oreos or other trans-fatular goodness can it become palatable to Gil-Monster's like myself...

Monday, April 6, 2009

The spiders are dead; long live the lobsters!

...I seem to be on a nipple-piercing kick this week at Chenille Macabre; as our new Gangbanger Mini with Machete and Pit Fiend Mini with Chain Whip both dangle gold rings from their chest anomalies.

Meanwhile in the AMPUTHEATRE, a new figure of the sinister nightmare stalker Mr. Eyeball Plucker graces the store, and he is accompanied by the psychotic Trigger Treat- a murderous, pumpkin-headed redneck with a makeshift pistol.

All handmade, all unique, all poseable! Buy yours today!

Also, we will have a game of AMPUTHEATRE at the Village Gate in Rochester NY, this Friday (April 10) at around 7 pm. Come play the evil game and see what the fuss is about.


I went to our local Christmas Tree Store this morning because my Glue Gun Security Spiders died. But what really annoyed me about the Christmas Tree Store is that-

...Oh, my Glue Gun Security Spiders? When I plug my glue gun into the wall, it's connected to string lights so I know it's on. If I see glowing spider lights, then I know not to leave the house until I yank the lights from the wall. And these lights have casings over them that resemble spiders on them. Halloween lights. Simple.

So I need new string lights, but the Christmas Tree Store isn't a holiday store at all: it's a bargain closeout place. Maybe this is old news to everyone else, but can you blame me for being confused? The facade of the building looks like a holiday store, and a sorry glut of us have spent the last eight years arguing, spitting, and swearing up and down that Christmas was "under attack", or some such idiocy.

But I did get a new set of string lights there. They're lobsters. The Glue Gun Security Team is now a fully crustacean operation.

This is acceptable; my wife is from Maine, after all.