Monday, November 24, 2008

Winter has arrived...

...bringing out the faux Norsemen inside myself. As much of a bummer as the cold months of November through February are, they tend to make the metal music crunchier.

As for the holiday blues, do what I do: watch all manner of disgusting horror films throughout Black Friday to Christmas Day. Remember in Pulp Fiction when they drove that giant adrenaline needle into Uma Thurman's ticker? That's what Cannibal Holocaust will do for me after I psychologically overdose on too much holiday cheer and needless hype.

...Doing some Christmas commissions right now, but I wanted to post this up real quick. Back in the spring, my friend Heather asked me to make her a random smattering of miniatures to reward her most exceptional karate students. It's something I've kept meaning to post after finishing it in the summer.

Here are my favorite ones- the guy with the kama and the demon mask, specifically.

Speaking of minis, there's a few more in the store now. Buy them.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Gears of War and Gifts of Win

I was commissioned by a member of Etsy to build some Gears of War miniatures as a gift. Here are Damon Baird, Augustus "The Cole Train" Cole, and a Locust Drone. Behold:

Baird, Cole and the Locust Drone stand approximately 2.5" (6.35 cm) high. Their battle armor is built from felt and little balsa wood risers in their boots. Baird wields a shotgun, the Drone packs a sub-machine gun, and Cole has that wicked assault rifle with the chainsaw underneath- all the weapons are built from plastic, wood and felt.

I finally broke down and bought a used copy of Gears of War for reference. (Video games as tax write-offs. My job now officially pwns.) Frankly I don't get excited anymore over soldiers in big bulky battle armor, looking like Volkswagen Impersonators, or V.I. JOEs for short. ALIENS was 20 years ago, and that's all I'll say because that little nugget of knowledge packs glass shards in it, and doesn't go down quite so easily.

I always thought GoW was a first-person shooter which- unless it's Condemned- doesn't do much for me either- o Frith and Inle; I'm impossible to please. Turns out the game is in third-person perspective. I see what the fuss is about- it's memorable, it's exciting, and it's actually pretty innovative. Shooting petrol tanks to light up the night and (old school alert!) thwart the grues, though, is very intense. Remember the grues from Zork...? They now have wings. And numbers.

I'm not sold on the cover system, probably because the auto-aim of both Manhunt or Grand Theft Auto IV have spoiled me. I know I don't like enemies that take six or seven rounds to the head before sating the maggot munchies. And I am amused that super-soldier Marcus Fenix can't jump over anything in his path unless he first bashes the object with his armored butt.


...Anyway, my birthday is coming up and it's around this time that I inform people of what I would like. My mantra has always been Horror Movies~Heavy Metal~Video Games~Horror Movies~Heavy Metal~Video Games and it rings louder in this economy. Three pages of ideas comprise my Amazon Wish List, and I also decree that my thirty-fucking-seventh year on Earth shalt be heralded with Liu Kang- that Shaolin slab of mutton- getting his teeth kicked in by The Joker. ...Let's hear you cluck your HAI-YAHs through cheeks pulled back to your EARS, cheese-boy...!

If you want to get creative on me I would love an official Blood Island- you know, the Shark Board- professionally printed and Plak-It'ed for AMPUTHEATRE combat- but that'd be kind of hard to surprise me with. You'd have to wrestle me to the ground and run off with my AMPUTHEATRE data, specifically the Official Board CD and the Dremel Font, and assure me that it would all be for a good cause.

...What might be easier? Learn enough Cyrillic to go to Alkonost's official website and buy me an album. Say it with me: FUCK THE SHIPPING COSTS; THE GIL-MONSTER NEEDS ARIAS, WINDMILLS, AND METEORITES! RUSSIAN METEORITES!!

Now if you'll excuse me, I feel the need to storm something.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Oh, should I post something here...?

I need to return to blogging. I realize that I expressly made this blog to do just that, and the idea of writing has just... meh. So I kind of swore to myself that after the Presidential Election (wow, history has occurred! Pretty cool!) I'd resume keyboarding incessantly about nothing again. Well, not nothing...

The ZombieFest 2008 was a wonderful affair and we had a great time all around. It was the best I had ever done at a show like that, so let's keep the event in the mall next year as well. (Nothing like being across from a Rite-Aid when you've forgotten something for your booth.) My wife and I took many, many pictures during the event, and you can find those here.

The Chenille Macabre store has been stocked with new monsters every week this year. I've lost track of how many I've made all told, and if you've bought a monster from me you are my new best friend. This week's monsters are the following:

The feral Snow Akuneko, the fearless Spartan, the mysterious Ghost Pirate, and the conniving Dark Elf. Snap them up, quick.

But mostly I miss yapping about horror films I've seen and complaining about webstuff, I promise to do that more often. Honest.