Wednesday, March 31, 2010
or whatever weird reason, Blogger was being very mean to photographs two days ago. So that's why there was no Monday update. Which sucked, because I wanted to discuss SIMCON 2010 and the most excellent and awesome time I had at it.
The good news and the bad news are the same: we weren't running enough tables of AMPUTHEATRE. I hadn't gotten the Green Inferno board finished, but I did have 48 playable Slashers by last weekend, so cut me a little slack, yo. I broke out my larger set on Sunday and both tables were packed. Holy crapsticks.
If you didn't get to play: my apologies. In my chats with the SIMCON Reg Desk Monkeys, we're going to have much more tables next year. And be sure to join the Facebook Page because I announce new games of AMPUTHEATRE there. You can also check out photos of the game in action, courtesy of Christopher Price. I will of course be at the UBCon in two weeks, so you can play there as well. We're going to have much more tables next year at SIMCON- believe it. I'm thinking about a tournament for next year.
Highlights on my table included the discovery of a lost spell from the Arcanuum Ex Mysteriius that was apparently written in Grizzly Bear (Sunderella used a Corrode spell on the Meat Cleaver that I was wielding.) Another player chose to twice play Taenia of their own accord- and they played her quite well, I'm happy to say.
...Nah, you know what? It's getting late. I'm ending the post here. Want to hear a little bit more from me this week? Well, I'm gonna make you work for it. Two ways:
1) Pick up the April 2010 issue of Dark Gothic Resurrected, where, amongst slices of poetry from denizens of the nocturne, lurks an interview with me. And if you're poor...
2) Tune in to the Metallic Onslaught Radio Show this Friday night at around 9 pm on WEOS to hear me blab about AMPUTHEATRE, my work with both pipe cleaners and the roller derby, and also foist some of my own music onto Joe and Randy and the rest.
Okay. SO bedtime.
Time of death 6:40 PM
Monday, March 22, 2010
ews alert: apparently you can now have your flat-screen television custom framed. Here's how it works: measure both the outside specs of your TV (provided it's only got four sides) and the distance from its front to the wall. Once you're sure about those measurements, give them to us, and we'll make the frame. When you pick it up, it'll come with straps that you anchor to the back of your set- and at long last Johnny Knoxville and Steve-O will have that water-gilded Biltmore accent their coprophagic antics so richly deserve.
...Look it up. No, don't.
So I was asked to make a display for the new promotion. Something that would catch customers' eyes. Looking around our store, I decided a dinosaur was unlike anything else we had in the store. It's also something that can only be seen in a medium- not many of the fat fuckers left nowadays. And besides, I love dinosaurs.
So here's a Tyrannosaurus Rex I penciled and scanned, inked and colored in Photoshop, and slapped in front of a photo from these guys. The TV set was created in Adobe InDesign. And before you write in to tell me that flat-screen TVs don't have side speakers, it's important that it look like a TV, and also that a boring gray border need hold its own visually with a multicolored fanged reptile. Time of artwork: 13 hours. It's refreshing to know that I can still honestly draw when I have to.
I printed the piece in two parts. The T. Rex and screen text were printed on paper, while the TV monitor was printed onto sintra. When assembling the frame, the glass went between the monitor and the T. Rex, so it resembled an actual TV. Neat, huh? My boss loved it.
New monsters in the store today. I'm especially proud of the Lizardman and the Skeletal Warrior there. The former represents bold, new steps in Lizardman technology, since they used to be just one color before.
I haven't given up on AMPUTHEATRE. (Indeed, SIMCON is this weekend, and I'll be there running my crazy-as-usual battle royal.) But there haven't been new AMPUTHEATRE figures in the store for a bit, and I still need to make that rulebook available. I will have stuff ready. Really. I think I'll be breaking down and printing up my own copy, and guesstimate how much that will run so it can be downloadable in PDF format.
And also: I am behind on custom work, for which I apologize. There are at least two more shows I want to get into this year, so I'll be stocking up for those as much as I can. Hang tight: you will get your monsters.
...Have you seen Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen? Don't. No: I won't just say that. Some of you don't have me friended on Facebook, so I'll just paraphrase myself. It's stupider than a headless cockroach. It's more offensive than marionettes built from the stillborn. It's more awful than your rectum as a thumbtack dispenser. It's indispensable proof that Michael Bay hates you and everyone else on the planet, and if he were naked in a crowded room and didn't have millions and millions of dollars on hand to spend digitally rendering obnoxious racial stereotypes with which to painfully and permanently retard your inquisitive knowledgeable brains, he'd chew off his own leg, strip off its skin, gnaw the femur into a sharp point, and limp about stabbing everyone in the room. THAT'S HOW MUCH HE HATES YOU.
And amidst his blood-soaked hopping murder spree, he'd film his naked scrotum flapping about. And he'd make Peter Cullen deliver a monologue over it so that he could call it Transformers 3.
See you at SIMCON!
Time of death 8:56 AM
Monday, March 15, 2010
light of The Conchords were very difficult to sing last week on Rock Band 2. (I know; isn't that awesome that they're on RB?) But I'm finally recovering from my laryngitis. Pfft. Laryngitis: the Crap Disease. Nobody "gets" laryngitis; they adopt it when they either A. want to skip a day of work (because everyone knows that if you have trouble conversing with customers, you clearly can't perform physical labor) or B. are Gomer Pyle, and feel bad because their schizoid baritone voice got Barney Fife's ass catapulted far, FAR from singing at the Mayberry Talent Show.
So I spent a week talking like Kathleen Turner with her throat cut like Rory Calhoun's victims in Motel Hell on those rare occasions that my mouth wasn't crammed with Werther's butter candies. In between cough drops. Because I once did kind of take too many cough drops once. It was very funny. I likely should not have been driving.
I've just signed up both Chenille Macabre and AMPUTHEATRE for both Horror Realm and UBCon. At least, I think I'm signed up for UBCon- I'm not on the schedule yet. The 10th and the 11th are the dates I've committed to running AMPUTHEATRE on, though. What is delightfully cool is that I am on UBCon's information page. ...No, I'm the Sephiroth on the left.
We had a game of AMPUTHEATRE on Friday; the first game with the new figures. So now if you've bought an AMPUTHEATRE figure from my store, you can bring it to games because they are compatible. Isn't that cool and nice? Hee hee! And, I should point out: don't be afraid to request specific figures. I stock the store with the common Slashers as often as I can, but if you're waiting until I put Ixnay or Bathsheba or Willy Mammoth in the store before you buy them... don't! Drop me a line, please!
I've also revamped the Weapons system in the game. From now on, Slashers cannot normally Reverse attacks while carrying a Weapon, though they can still Block them. This rule amendment is to keep unarmed combat sexy. Signature Weapons (Evil Tweezers, Mazzatellos) in the hands of their owners (respectively, Mr. Eyeball Plucker, The Jack of Clubs) are exempt. This ruling has also let me add a few new exciting tweaks:
Finite Weapons. Some weapons now run out of juice (gas, electricity, ammo, etc.) if you roll no hits when attacking with them. This includes the old stand bys like the Chain Saw, the Pneumatic Nailer, and the Hairspray with Lighter. And it let me add a new, long desired element to AMPUTHEATRE's gameplay: liquid weapons. Clog Remover (oh, the delicious Clog Remover) is now in my current deck and has a sick Poison attack. The Gasoline Can, Oven Cleaner and Bleach will not be far behind.
Actual Weapons. I had an unbreakable credo in AMPUTHEATRE that, well... let's let the page explain it:
Weapons in AMPUTHEATRE are usually tools that have a primary purpose other than killing- chainsaws, icepicks, baseball bats, and the like.
But now, if for example I want to put a katana in the middle of an arena, I can- and Reversals are allowed with it, as it was specifically built for war. The Machete and the Nightstick already have this characteristic.
Speaking of weapons in the middle of arenas...
Here it is: the Green Inferno board (working title) as I promised. Fashioned from a clearing in the Zunirian jungle, General Ghebembwe has surrounded it with grates and a controlled fire. Anyone leaving the arena for any reason is Immolated. Sharing the arena with the unlucky Slashers is a Siafu Anthill and a Razorvine Tree. The driver ants swarm whoever disturbs their bivouac, and the Razorvine tangles up Slashers- Sundering them if they can't break free.
This board is a 9 x 9 grid. One aspect from Mortal Kombat: Deception that I like and have wanted to employ for a while now is the concept of a Stage Weapon in the center of the board, like Raiden's hammer on the Sky Tower. (AMPUTHEATRE's past even-numbered grids made that tricky.) I like the idea of starting a game with a mad rush for a Weapon. So the center space of the Green Inferno is differentiating steel, and there's a Pole Saw there now! Once this board has its own deck, it will be ready for play. The Inferno needs its own natural Traps and Weapons, so that will be something else I'll be working on. Hopefully in time for the cons.
...Oh, and before I go: a special shout-out to ImagineMDD, who featured my work along with numerous other pipe cleaner artists in her blog. I'm very flattered and honored to be featured with many talented artists.
I'm also laughing on the inside over who she chose as Chenille Macabre's ambassador.
Time of death 8:25 AM
Monday, March 1, 2010
et's give somebody else the spotlight today, shall we...? Yes I made some monsters this week; something something inspired by who cares?
Faithful Etsy customer Felicia has been buying my figures and miniatures for a while now. Well just recently, she sent me some photos of monsters that she made from chenille stems. Check these out:
Aren't these cool? Awesome use of both pipe cleaners and existing materials. They're tall too- I'm guessing 11" high. I get a kick out of the troll soldier and the evil Smurf!
And if I had any misery or self-hatred for myself this past weekend, it was exorcised by the arrival of more photos from Felicia, this time featuring my work. How many of my figures has she bought...? Enough to seat her own homemade arena with stadium seating and sponsorship from Living Dead Dolls:
In the interest of full disclosure, the above picture is so not my current desktop wallpaper.
The victorious Lizardman cracks me the hell up! And behold: evil concession stands!
And I am SO NOT stifling crying right now. Nope, not crying, nope.
Thank you so much, Felicia! I see there's still a few seats in your arena to be filled- I'll get back to work!
Time of death 9:06 AM