Saturday, February 23, 2013

New monsters: 2013/2-23

A new poster design. GiMP isn't bad, but I'm finding InDesign much better for composition... whatever. Go buy ALL OF THE MONSTERS EVER right here.

Friday, February 22, 2013

The Gil-Monster says check it out

Things to make note of 'afore I bind myself to the Desks Of Monster Making and Game Writing...

On the Facebook wall of the incomparable Joe Bob Briggs is a photo of his Lego self squaring off against a Yeti. That sure is a cute Lego figure; I don't know where the Yeti came from myself OH WAIT IT WAS ME

Next up, my friends Chris Pallace and Kevin Serwacki have submitted a design towards Dunn Tire in Rochester for a kick-ass giant golf ball in the shape of... nahhhh; you'll have to go see what it is and vote for it right damn now. I don't know if anyone TRULY needs a panoramic globe skyline against an ACTUAL skyline. (You NEED pipe cleaner Yetis, though. Who would Lego Joe Bob drink with?)

And on a more serious note, my wife Dee Fenestrate has started up a petition to the White House to restore the rights of gay men to donate blood. It's great to know that even though we can build a living sheep out of another living sheep, we apparently still think AIDS is only caused by Teh GAY. What has Magic Johnson been DOING with his time? So go sign that now, and link to it- we need a LOT more signatures, and the Red Cross ALWAYS needs blood.

(They call us on occasion, and we have to tell them no every time; we just got tattoos. But there's this lovely gay couple down the street that thinks tattoos are icky...)

-The Gil-Monster

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

"Choose Your Apocalypse"

Sorry, folks. Size 12 Font from now on, you stupid Gil-Monster...

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Customs round-up

New monsters in the store. Go looky. Gonna try to make a habit of uploading Etsy monsters on Saturday mornings since I don't feel like building but I gotta do something...

Time for a recap of the custom figures I've built lately. Like Borderlands 2...? Check out AMPUTHEATRE custom skins of both Dessica and Varga dressed like Tiny Tina, Mad Moxxi and Scooter!
Pretty sweet, no? Tiny Tina is smaller than the other Slashers and laden with more backpacks than a Bonnaroo concert crowd, so she was NOT the easy build.

Originally a graphical glitch that the game designers left in, Tiny Tina has a lazy eye. I discolored the left eye to reflect this.

I wish Scooter was thinner (that's a side effect of the felt). And that I made Moxxi's tails longer. But I think I got the faces but good.

If you're ever feeling shitty and that life holds no more meaning, type "Borderlands 2 Mad Moxxi" in your Google image search bar. No need to thank me over the hour before your monitor while your life exponentially improves.

Meanwhile on the non-able-to-have-your-head-and-arms-pulled-off-for-AMPUTHEATRE front... 

...we've got a custom Glenn Danzig figure I built as a commission for a customer who wanted a birthday gift for her Danzig-loving boyfriend. Glenn stands 5" (12.7 cm) high with doll hair, clothing of denim and window screen, and a cross and belt buckle cut from plastic. I gave him a wooden microphone and beastly gloves like in the "Kiss The Skull" video.
This is a custom figure of my friend Ron, better known as Roc City Roller Derby referee Dick Move. This is the ARBITER WARRIOR figure commissioned by his mom, who is Derby Mom. The chain in the mace retracts into the head, and a poisoned sword is hidden in the shaft! Coolest weapon of ALL.

I saved the most heart-warming job for last. Prior to Christmas, a client asked me to build a monster of one of his son's drawings for him (that's in the inset). This is something I was made for.

And I've added bloodshot eyes to my repertoire! Thanks to the Kelner family! And keep those requests coming, kiddos!

-The Gil-Monster

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

"Car Accident"

Hey, did you know I used to do this...? I FORGOT I used to do this. Looking to get back into it after waaaay too long a time, so please forgive the artwork sucking whilst I find my sealegs.

The official "Perky & Slick" font is now typeable thanks to Font Generator. Ten bucks and a scanner puts your handwriting (or the delightfully evil "Dremel" font that I scratch into AMPUTHEATRE crap) onto your keyboard. Check it out.

I get to proofread my cartoons. Fuck yeah. Well YES I did so twenty years ago. But with whiteout. And careful meticulous Sharpie-ing. And screaming WHY DIDN'T I WRITE THIS LINE IN THE FIRST PLACE...

So don't hold me to any schedule, that's all I ask. I will likewise make more of these and- as a bonus- not put any prose underneath them that explains my thought processes about them because




-The Gil-Monster

Friday, February 8, 2013

Bad Film Friday, Volume 1

The Crowley Museum of Natural History Dinosaur Hall AMPUTHEATRE board is all set for RunningGAGG tomorrow. I'll see you there.

So The Gil-Monster saw "Hellweek", another in a series of shot-on-video horror flicks where fraternity brothers and their girlfriends pile into an abandoned warehouse so psychopaths can de-spleen them. Hey: did I ever tell you how I begun my college life in a fraternity...? The mass of students enrolling was so massive that I lived in one for my first freshman quarter. I even pledged for a while, because on occasion the human brain relegates delicate thought processes to the stomach and intestines. Which leads to an unamusing mental chorus of hungry/poo now/very hungry/seriously, poop/WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THIS CONFORMIST HELL/ YOU SHITFUCK/THIS IS NOT YOU/ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO WEAR A SUIT ALL WEEK/WHO GOES TO DRAWING CLASS IN A SUIT/IS THIS FAGGY R. LEE ERMEY FANTASY REALLY WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE/IF YOU CALL A DRUNK LOSER MAKING OUT WITH CO-EDS THIRTY YEARS HIS JUNIOR YOUR "BROTHER" ONE MORE FUCKING TIME/WE WILL EXPLODE OUTWARD/YOU WILL BE DEAD/YOU WILL BE DEAD IN A FRAT HOUSE/POO NOW.

is one of those horror films where every character in it is a despicable cunt, but the film budget isn't nearly high enough to kill them in any satisfying means (a green-screen bisection early on promises but does not deliver). The college kids know they must die, I'll give them that. Seriously, one of them just stands there and awaits his neckslitting as a psycho killer hauls himself off the couch at his clan leader's command. Darth Maul, consider yourself pwned.

I admit to being drawn in by the sub-par profanity. I love that "Hey! We're making an unrated horror film!! WE CAN SWEAR!!!" motif. It leads to unintentional laughter 90% of the time. The other 10%? That's spent mentally rifling through weak excuses for your viewing decisions when she hears one frat shite describe women as "cum-dumpsters". It's dripping with irony, sweetheart...

0/5 lights needed to shoot a porno movie in an abandoned warehouse. You need LIGHT, "Porn King". WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS!?

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Octopunch! Octopunch!! OCTOPUNCH!!!

Working on a new AMPUTHEATRE travel set. This is for the still-under-construction-but-not-for-much-longer Crowley Museum board...
This deck will be for two boards; the Crowley Museum has an Egyptian Hall and a Dinosaur Hall. So we get a nifty blend of Egyptian weapons, prehistoric relics and archaeological tools...

The dinosaur skulls were bought at a craft store in one of those Nature Toobs for like eight bucks; they were eight or nine more skulls in the set. The Parasaurolophus Skull can be wielded like a sledgehammer. The Neanderthal Club at the lower right is a plastic (I think) X-Men accessory, with coyote teeth drilled into place as a homage to Slash of Eternal Champions fame. (The other bones are part of something else; I'll show that off later.)

I love how the Khopesh (sicklesword) came out. The Crook and the Flail can be dual-wielded (provided you find them) and turn your Slasher into a combat machine. And the Jack Hammer is instant death for any prone Slasher near it; it gains a Range advantage against Fallen because of an issue that really pissed off my wife during a playtest ten or so years ago. Should have this deck done by RunningGAGG...


So in her quest to clean out the attic, my mom sent up a smattering of our old toys, including some Generation 1 Transformers. I'm deciding what to do with them apart from Octopunch. Octopunch stays because he is named OCTOPUNCH; "Octopunch Merritt" has an excellent ring to it and they'll be all like That's a strange name for a girl but it's MY KID DAMMIT...

I forgot I had this guy. No, he IS a Transformer. This figure is actually a shell that cracks open to reveal a robot who turns into a crab, who- as a Robot In Disguise- felt rather conspicuous scuttling around Earth as a crab (and I don't need to remind you how cluttered your daily commute is with eighty-foot-high sea monsters).
"Ha HA! I blend SEAMLESSLY!"
In his left hand, Octopunch is holding a Targetmaster- another robot. So yeah, his henchman turns into his gun. Kind of a cool concept until a sarcastic cynic in his early '40s says y'KNOW, it looks like this Targetmaster's large intestine has extended beyond his rectum and calcified into a gun barrel; I mean LOOK AT IT:

A new fighting force joins the Cybertronian Wars... the Hemorrhoids.


I'm sure there's a rich and detailed history regarding the Transformers if its fans want to correct and enlighten me with a dearth of OH ASSBASKETS; WE CAN'T LEAVE COMMENTS ON THIS BLOG; SON OF A BITCH...

Back to work on this Museum Deck. If my wife can stop making me post about robotic ballistic excrement (it was all her idea...)

-The Gil-Monster