Friday, October 3, 2014

One Horror Film A Day: "An American Ghost Story"

Yeah, I'm already behind. But I'll remind you of my rule towards One Horror Film A Day: so long as I total 31 movies by Halloween, I get to make up for lost time by watching two movies in a day. Not taking two days to watch a movie, which is what I did with "Revenant". What? You haven't heard of "Revenant"? You don't know what a revenant is? Why don't we call it "An American Ghost Story"? Oops! Did you mean to watch "American Horror Story"? Well you see... your money's already in the machine and I'm not authorized to open it; if you want it back I can give you a form to fill out and a guy will come by in... two, three weeks maybe?

So Paul and his girlfriend Stella knowingly move into this haunted home which can't be more than 60 years old, but nevertheless has had nearly thirty families live in it over its life. Paul needs a ghost to punch him in the dick so he can get the cred he needs to become a successful paranormal writer. That sentence isn't far off the mark in describing the plot, so Stella moves out after cabinets open at her menacingly. More like leaves the film. Then there are jump scares involving teddy bears and ghosts running around in sheets- which actually is somewhat effective, but only if it reminds me of the scene in Halloween where Michael Myers wore the sheet.

I've read comments on IMDb praising this film- and for the record "I've never written a review on IMDb before" is 1337 for "I am either friendly with or related to someone from the movie". I can forgive a low-budget, but I can't forgive wooden acting, a thread-bare plot, stilted dialogue, and no characters to speak of. And I thought that a revenant only went after the people who killed it; these are more like poltergeists... 1/5 murder house histories that The Amityville Horror told us we could use...

Hey: First Friday at The Hungerford is today! Come see us!

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